You never know

It has been a while that I never updated my blog. What did I do for the past few months? I think I can talk about it for almost 3 days long. Recently, I can't help myself to think about my future, what can I really do and what I really want in my life. Frankly speaking, I do not know. I prayed to my dear Heavenly Father and I know he will take care of me. Life is short, and I am trying to live my life till fullest. Man is still weak, sometimes we just can't control the things especially the emotion. Right now, my mind is full of complication. You never know what is going to happen. Please remind me if you see me with a bitter face because I know you miss my smile. ; )

It has been so long.

It has been so long that I never updated my blog. Year 2012? This is my first post I guess. I abandoned this blog for so many months. For the past few months, I had been through so many things and I experienced a lot. Never regret for what I have done, at least.

Sometimes I feel bad for myself. I put effort and time, and I am trying to maintain everything. Yet it always fails. May be I am too greedy. I thought I can handle it, but unfortunately not. I can't. That's why I am trying to move on. I tried so hard, kept telling myself that I will be alright. Although I seem alright, inside my heart; there is something missing. Something that I never expected I would get it, and I had it. You know I always wanted you to be my side.

Lets bygones be bygones.

Back to the past

听着周杰伦的“回到过去”

心里不知怎么的 酸酸的 小时候的画面一一浮现在我的脑海里

曾经的我就像个小男孩 头发是非常非常的短 常常羡慕别人的头发怎么那么长啊

还常常被别人误以为我是个小男孩

从小 我的肤色就比别人黑 说真的 我也不知道为什么会这样 是不是抱错了？

可是很多人说我长得像爸爸啊

就因为这样 还常常被别人取笑我是马来人 唉

其实我最在乎的是我的眼睛有时一只大 一只小 最不喜欢单眼皮了

所以我还蛮羡慕我哥哥的 他的眼睛又大 又是双眼皮 简直就是Perfect

记得小时候住在一个小小间的家 可是外院很大

如果现在叫我搬回以前小小间的房间 我的衣服就应该会把我的小房间给塞满了

有点不能想像 人是不是只会往前走 而不会往回头看

但是今天我站在这里回头望 才发现过去的一点一滴朔造今天的我

曾经的我常被女生欺负 或是被酸之类的

而且还发生过很严重的争执 甚至双方父母都出来见面

现在想起来真的很可笑

所以从小就没什么女生朋友 男生朋友却多的不行 那个比例简直就是天渊之别

但是对我来说 是件好事 我也从来不因为这样而感到难过

其实我的人很简单 口硬心软 只要被哄几下 我什么都可以原谅

我很容易相信别人 也常常自作多情去帮别人 结果给自己带来麻烦

我的确为朋友付出很多 妈妈常因为这样而和我起争执

我常说 你不认识 就不要给意见

但是 每当我因为朋友而伤心时 妈妈就会安慰我

以前小时候 我认为妈妈最爱哥哥 也很偏袒他

但是今天的我知道 妈妈最爱我们两个 我深深的感受到她对我的爱

这一辈子 下一辈子 我都还不完 我也不知道拿什么还给她

其实我不是个很孝顺的女儿

记得在吉隆坡读书时 我才回家过几次 每次都是他们上来找我

和妈妈的感情就像好朋友一样 其实我们什么都能谈

只是有时当她知道我心里真正的想法

特别是我想一个人独立 她就会很难过 眼泪就像坏了的水龙头流个不停

我们常常为了这个家而流泪

而爸爸 在小时候 常带我和哥哥去荡秋千

一家四口去国内旅行 吃好吃的海鲜

我和哥哥常常陪爸爸去应酬 认识的叔叔比自己的朋友还要多

别人的家都是早睡的 而我们家都是很迟睡的

重点是我们都呆在酒楼餐馆 一直吃 一直喝 有球赛时更迟才回家

虽然我从小看球赛很多 但是到现在我其实没有很了解 特别是怎么赌球 哈哈

其实我也不知道为什么我是Manchester United的fan 应该是因为我哥哥吧

我只记得David Beckham很出名 唉 我是非常的惭愧

我做错的事有太多太多 说也说不完

虽然那些都已经成为过去 但是有些事就是忘不了 抹不去 擦不掉 可能会忘了一些细节吧

我现在只想说声抱歉

不要以为我长的丑 其实有很多人喜欢的 哈哈

我曾经疯狂爱过 我曾经受伤 我曾经让对方很痛苦

甚至今天的我 已经开始不知道什么是爱 什么是喜欢 有点混淆

虽然我不知道曾经被我爱过的 还是喜欢的人 如今如何 甚至他们对我的看法

但是我想说的是 在那时候 我是认真的 喜欢你

男人常说 女人容易变心 容易反感 唉 我不知道啦

我不爱受约束 好胜心又强 只能说大女人

曾经有个男生对我说 做你的朋友好过做你的男朋友

现在回想一下，你错了！做我的男朋友是幸福的！我很确定！

我的确有时很崇洋 喜欢高高的 有身材的 双眼皮的 鼻子高高的 蓝蓝的眼睛

但是有时觉得 我们的文化有很大的差别

至少我知道我们是在互相迁就 但是能撑多久呢 不想去想

我有时很冲动 想做什么就做什么

在想 我的勇气到底是从哪来的

现在的我 只想好好的过每一天 开心的每一天

我期待每一天

Thanksgiving

Hiking at South Mountain.

I am thankful. I have a wonderful families, awesome friends, and my life is eventful and colorful. I am so blessed. It is all God's mercy. At this moment, I am truly happy from my bottom heart. I guess this is what we call it as happiness. The feeling that I am having right now is indescribable, and all I can say is I am so lucky.

I am going back home in 2 weeks. Can you imagine how excited I am? Probably not. I have not seen my lovely family and friends for more than a year. I know you guys miss me so much. Lets us roll to the max. I just cannot wait to eat good food and drink teh ice at mamak again. Oh nooo, how much I wish my flight is later tonight at 6pm but not on December 12. Even though I just go back for 3 weeks, I guess it is good enough for me. I will cherish every moment with you guys and no sleep for sure. Just date me out!

Thanksgiving dinner with MSA members, Indonesian, and Chinese.

Dinner with Daryl, Jason, Fredrik and Euchin.

This is my first time to have curry fish head in the States since last year July.

All your money is here ; )))))

Oh yeah, I only got one thing from black friday. Too bad, but it does not matter, I don't really care. Yet I did have a lot of fun during the night. We went to hike at South Mountain at 9pm. It was a really good experience. I would definitely go hiking again during night time. I enjoyed looking the stars and having some bad jokes with you guys. I know I am too tan, and you guys can't see me! But one thing for sure, I am still pretty even though I am "black"! haha. Just kidding. ; ) I went to bed at 8 in the morning and woke up at 1pm. The happiest thing was Curry Fish Head for dinner with couples of friends. Oh yeah it indeed made me so excited! We played Chua Dai Di, poker, and beer game. To be honest, I was lucky to win all you guys! I beat all of you! hahaha. I always love hanging out with you guys.

And for today... Family lunch at Li family's house. Thanks for the food and beer!

p/s: You never know the people around you might leave you someday, so please cherish the time when we are all together. Happy Thanksgiving!

Jeg liker deg

十指紧扣 恋人未满

Takk

I have been through so many things this few weeks. I have done a lot of things that I will never forget or regret. I love my life and there is nothing to complain about. I have been so busy lately, yet I always enjoy doing everything. Being a daughter, a friend, a niece, a cousin, a business student, a student pilot, a president of MSA, a worker, and a church member. Being different kinds of characters, it makes me become more mature. At least I learn new things and make new friends everyday. I like that actually. I open up my mind to accept the things or mindset that I was not be able to accept. Although sometimes I complain about I have no time for this and that, it is just a small case and it does not matter at all. May be sometimes I am too impulsive, yet at least I think it is worth it, and that is good enough for me. I take responsibility of myself and sometimes there is no explanation for every single things you do. But things happen for a reason. There is difference between that if you get what I am trying to say. ; )

Anyways, I am so blessed. I have a wonderful family, friends, and everything that I am having now. And also I have you to "sayang" me. Thank you so much.

1.30am

我彷徨

捉摸不到你在想什么

我问你 你醉了吗

你说 你没醉

我害怕 我会为你流泪

假装无所谓

我其实做不到

而

我其实一直在等